My universe and I
I love Iceland. Since I set foot on this beautiful island it felt like home, immediately and out of the blue. There is a special place with a stunning view and warmest hospitality where I have written almost all my stories. And sometimes I feel tempted there to write in English – or I am trying at least. Therefor – here a a few attempts – and as I said it is far beyond perfect English.
Two Islands … 2018, Icleand
Þetta er fyrir þig • αυτό είναι για σένα • This is for you
Standing in the middle of nowhere, icy wind blowing in my face and sneaking under the light green sweater I borrowed, feeling just perfectly fine – at the right place and absolutely on cue. Slowly I’m starting to walk, head bent, hands in the pockets and thinking about how lucky I am to be on this wonderful island far north. Thinking about you and the other island, far away and more south. Acutally, neither this nor the other island is my home.
My home is in a small country in the heart of Europe. Nevertheless, that’s a matter of opinion, as I learned, because there are some people they are profoundly convinced, that the heart of Europe lies in a quite different part of the world. To be precise, especially one person is telling me this again and again, questioned or not. Sure is, if you cast a proper glance on a map, there it is, outlined in the shaped of a pig and in the center of Europe, my home country. However, this is where I’m coming from.
But, and most of the time there is a «but», I feel more livid, more inspired and much more myself on both the islands – be it the one or the other. There are friends on both of them, there are surroundings, which I always long for – and there is love, at least on one of the islands.
So I’m walking, thinking and stomp towards the wind, which has decided to get stronger and stronger. Soon enough I must surrender an turn my back against the powerful blasts of air. Immediately the view is changing and allows me an insight into this endless vastness, covered with solidified lava and small trees, or rather bushes, wrapped in yellow leaves. With every squall the whole sky is filled with whirling leaves and for a moment it looks like a golden rain is falling down to earth. I love it!
With big steps I walk towards my shelter, high up on the hill, huge and drenched in warm light. It feels like home, even if this is only a wish, which now and then comes true. For me it will always be the place where I can breathe and calm down, the place where the light is and where I can dream.
An hour later I find myself sitting in a chair behind the big window, looking out into the storm, wrapped in the light green sweater, which I refuse to take off since days, maybe weeks. It’s ridiculous, I know, but take it off feels like you have abandoned me. Yes, you are allowed to laugh, I actually can hear your laugh! But that’s how it is. She is wearing green again, I hear them say, be it up here or back home. Green, light green or what, they are teasing me, but it is not bothering me. Thinking about the way I got it puts a smile on my face, again and again. Reminds me also of the day I’ve seen you for the first time.
The night was windy then, not like here up north, but stinging cold, some single raindrops were flying around and I was bone-tired and grumpy. I just wanted to disappear to a warm and cosy restaurant nearby and have something to drink with alcohol, a lot of alcohol, to be honest. But there were the other three. They made me meeting you and I was disappointed about that. But, and most of the time there is a «but», you stepped out into the dark street and you did it backwards. I will never forget about this tiny detail. You walked backwards into the dark street, took a questioning look at the four of us, still with your cell phone in your hand. The first thing I noticed about you was your woolen pullover and your boots. You had old leather boots on your feet and I loved them on the spot. Oh yes, I know, this is kind of embarrassing and ridiculous again, but this is exactly how I saw you for the first time. A bit later and after a proper conversation about all the business matters, I was already lost. Your sparkling eyes, the jokes you made and the pictures on the wall in your office – I coulden’t imagine to be on a better place on earth. When you actually said good bye and shaked my hand – ok, what should I say?
Couldn’t get you out of my mind. Working together from different parts on this planet, hearing your voice now and then and finally having some hours just the two of us was the story to go. When I left you on the other island a few months ago, you gave me this light green sweater. Your smell on it, I almost never had a day without it since.
The other island, not this one I’m on now. You are on the other island in the south, I’m in the north, but my homebase is in the middle. Sitting here in this beautiful house with this unique view over the lava field, the glacier in the background and all the clouds in odd curved shapes, I’m able to think about all that. Thinking about how everything has changed, about what this really means for me. Let’s just take the time we have, you said. Enjoy the moment and feel free to decide where it goes, I said. Sounds good to me. To know you are there somewhere always calms me down. May the problems be huge and the situation exhausting – your voice calms me down, your smile comforts me. Talking about all the things that matters in our lives with you is a pleasure of a special kind. But, and most of the time there is a «but», where does my certainty comes from in this relationship? Is it a relationship at all? Or what is it? Does it even matter, what it is?
Sitting here and looking out into the dusk of a bright day I finally allow myself to write to you about it. But – and suddenly I can hear you say … sometimes there is no «but» – I just feel perfectly fine, protected and beeing in good hands. And at the very same moment I miss you. Would like to share it with you. And again at the very same blink of an eye I know that you know it.
Two islands – one with endless valleys, large glaciers and vulcanoes. With wonderful people and a lot of serenity and space to fill with whatever I like. The other one with lots of things to organize, with responsibilities and negotiations, but most of all, and this one is a nice «but», with you on it. You showed me a different island, an island I haven’t seen like this before. An island with many faces, hidden places and a spezial kind of calmness and lightheartedness. The island you live on.
Thank you • Ég þakka yður • ευχαριστώ πάρα πολύ
Hideout … 2018, Iceland
Just a glimpse
I felt safe and sound in this place that I would never have found on my own. Hidden behind a wonderful flowering tangle of flowers in all colors.
«We have arrived», you said, while parking the car carefully under an olive tree in the shadow. I stepped out, kind of wondering, where we actually have arrived, but your behavior was that certain and confident, that I just followed you. As always.
We crossed the street and now and then you looked searching for an entrance in the dense green with all the flowers.
And there it was, the gap with the steep stairs hidden behind. I never would have guessed, what followed them. We entered a perfectly hidden paradise, like in a dream, or in a fairytale or in a bedtime story, invented out of the blue. Three tiny houses nestling directly against the glittering sea in the evening light. Two dogs who greeted us with an excited barking, jumping up and down as if we were the first humans to see them for a long time. The main house was open towards the sea, filled with thousands of small and personal things, from a rusting Budda to old concert announcements and little lights of a thousand-and-one-night. A few tables covered with tablecloths in all kinds of red, surrounded by benches with many pillows. And immediately I felt safe and sound.
«How much time do we have», is what I hear me say, but my eyes are wandering over the sea, the purple gleaming hills on the other side of the gulf. I knew already, that I wouldn’t like the answer. Time was running fast and not to my pleasure. Not at this place.
«No worries, enough – at least for today. We will have many times, many places, many stories to discover…», but I wasn’t listening properly. The word ‚enough’ was the right one fort he moment. Enough. Wonderful.
Finally, an elderly man came in with heavy steps, slightly bent over and with white hair and white beard as well. He mentioned something, not understandable, but not because of my lacking of Greek. He coulden’t speak. That he needed a voice amplifier to be heard I only realised when he greeted me in the most charming way. I still could not understand a word, but the way he spoke and looked at me was quite sufficient to understand the meaning of the words. Metallic and robot-equal the voice. As if I knew how a robot talk! However, I loved him on the spot. He made some jokes with you and I enjoyed the way you looked at him, the way your eyes were laughing too. This was the first time i realised, that I had fallen in love with you. Couldn’t let go of the moment until a dark voice in my back was making a joke about how excited it was that we have found our way to this place at this time. A women with astonishing red hair entered the scene and gave you a proper hug.
«Don’t ask for dinner, I will bring you the most delicious things you have had since a very long time – just give me a little bit of time … and kiss the one next to you», she said with a bright smile oh her face and gave me a wink. Then next thing I heard was a noisy clattering out of the kitchen nearby.
You just looked at me with your irresistible smile, reached out for my hands and there we were sitting, chatting forth and back, laughing and smiling and in the back of my head i heard the ticking clock.
«How much time we have», was the question again, but I already knew that I wouldn’t like the answer, definitely not.
«Enough», you said, «not enough for today, but enough in the future. So many things to see, so much to talk about, to hear from you, to tell you. Enough, don’t worry.»
But the time was running, the night was falling in and all the small lights aroud us transformed the whole room into a scene from a fairy tale – again. The waves did their best to lull us down and the Ouzo did the rest. For one more time in my life I really wanted to be able to stop time.
«Time is up», you said, and just like that we found ourselves in the car, driving away from a dreamy timeout and heading towards the airport. Back to reality, I thought while putting my hand on your knee.
«Back to reality», you said while laying your hand on my knee.
Without one more word we drove through the night towards an encounter I did not want.
«We will have time, haven’t we?», i asked and looked for the last time at your face.
«We will», was the saving answer.
All about the dragon … 2017, Iceland
Whispering on the glacier
Yesterday I was walking in Iceland – I was walking in Iceland on a huge glacier and it was cold and windy. There was no snow, but ice, a lot of ice under my feet. I was walking on ice and thinking about my love. Suddenly the fog was creeping up on me. He was sneaking around my head, around my feet, around my thoughts and whispered: don’t think about the dragon. Don’t do that. And I said: I do not think about the dragon, I am thinking about my love who does not even know that I love him. But the fog doesn’t stop. He became more dense and mightier, muffled me and chased me down to the valley. And there I stood, freezing and thinking about my love and a dragon which I had never seen before…
Singing in the meadow
…today I was walking through grass. I was walking through a large meadow and the wind was blowing, but the wind was warm and smooth. I could not see my feet, I had my head in the sky and I was thinking about my love. Out of nowhere a mountain juniper fairy approached me, buzzing in front of my face and was singing a lovely melody which I have never heard before. Suddenly she said with a bell-like voice: don’t think about the dragon. And I said: I do not think about the dragon. I am thinking about my love, who does not even know… But the delicate juniper fairy interrupted me and said: leave me alone with this story. Just do not think about visiting the dragon. Don’t do that – then she was gone. And I was standing in the middle of the meadow, the wind was blowing softly through the grasses and I was thinking about my love and about the dragon which I could actually visit – maybe…
Crinkling in the bushes
…today I crawled through the bushes, desperate to find the creek. It was soggy and I had to crawl on the knees under the bushes on the Lavafield in Iceland. I couldn’t hear the creek, I was occupied with my thoughts and I was thinking about my love. In the twinkling of an eye the bushes spoke under one’s breath: don’t think about the dragon. And I said: I do not think about the dragon – what is it always about the dragon? I am thinking about my love who does not even know that I love him. And I need someone to give me some advice about…But the bushes had no patience and replied with many rushing voices: We have nothing for you. Just stop thinking about the dragon and find the wriggling river. But don’t go visiting the dragon. Then a gust of wind blew over the Lavafield and the bushes remained silent. And I was on my knees on the Lavafield under the bushes and I was thinking about my love and about the wriggling river and about the dragon which seemed more and more interesting to me…
Rushing of the river
…today it was a dark day, a dark grey day in Iceland. I was hiding behind warm and cosy walls and outside the window the storm and the rain darkened the world. I was afraid to go outside and I was thinking about my love and the dragon and how I it would be possible to find the wriggling river. At this very same moment the sky gets open wide and the sun was blinking behind the black clouds. And I ran, I ran down the hill to find the wriggling river and actually i found it, i found the wriggling river and he spoke with a throaty voice: don’t think about the dragon. Or at least don’t think about the dragon in this way. And I said: I don’t think about the dragon, I am thinking about my love who does not even know…But the river was very busy and spoke in a rush: Go find the sea, go find the nest, go find the answers where they are hiding…and then he rushed away, constantly and steadily the river was leaping down toward the sea. And I was standing on the riverbank and the sun was hiding away and the sky went dark again and I was standing on the rivershore and was thinking about my love and about the sea and the nest and was wondering where the answers were hiding up…
Running with wild horses
…today I was walking on the street in Iceland. A freshen-up wind was joining me and I was walking along a small street in Iceland and I was thinking about my love and about the dragon and about the place where all the answers were hiding. Suddenly a herd of freely running horses appeared to my left and they said: Don’t think about anything, just go go go. Go forward and stop thinking and maybe you will find the nest from the dragon, where all the answers were hiding. And I said: I do not think about…But the horses were already on their way at a high pace and I followed them with all my strength and I was not thinking about anything…anything but my love….
Thinking all over at full moon
…yesterday I was sitting on the top of a hill. I was sitting on the top of the hill and I was admiring the silent beauty of the full moon over the glacier. And the moon said softly: take a break, my dear, don’t think about the dragon and everything. Just think about your love and stay calm. Tomorrow will be another chance and a new choice. And I was just sitting on the top of the hill and was thinking about my love. Not about the dragon or the nest or all the answers I had been looking for so long. Just my love….
Talking with the volcano about wishes
…yesterday I was marching towards the volcano. I was marching in Iceland trough a huge lava field towards the volcano and it was a sometimes gray, sometimes sunny. An enchanting medley of light and darkness. And there was a heavy wind blowing and I was thinking about the advice from the moon. Finally, I reached the bottom of the volcano and I was dead tired and just thinking about my love and absolutely nothing else. From deep down the volcano grumbled: The dragon is near, go looking for his nest, where the dragon egg is waiting for you, with all the answers in it. But be on one’s guard of the small dragon. He will protect the answers. Then the volcano fell silent again and just stood there, powerful and shadowy. And I picked myself up and I kept on marching and I was thinking about all the advices and about the dragon and the nest with the egg, but mostly about my love who does not even know that I love him….
Reflecting with the clouds
…yesterday I was sitting at the foot of the castle of the dragon. I was sitting there and looking at the clouds and I was thinking about the answers I needed so badly and about the nest with the egg and how dangerous the small dragon could be. And I was thinking about my love and was looking longingly at the clouds searching for some help. And the clouds said: Take a break, stay calm and start thinking about yourself. The answers have been spread out directly in front of you. Just turn around and look at them. Then the clouds change their shape and were gone. And I was sitting an the foot of the castle of the dragon and was thinking about my love and myself. Then I turned myself around slowly, slowly.